


Numerous Occasions

by verbaeghe



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Fluff, M/M, Still Hockey Players (Hockey RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 15:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19022728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verbaeghe/pseuds/verbaeghe
Summary: Five times Adam tries to figure out Tony's crush and one time Misha solves the issue.





	Numerous Occasions

**Author's Note:**

> Behold! A story I started over a year ago and decided to re-work like a month ago!
> 
> If you'd like to know the background pairs ahead of time, I'll list them at the end for you :)
> 
> @lecavayay remains the best and most patient with me and my writing! Thank you! ♥

Adam is sitting in his stall, minding his own business as he works on taping one of his sticks, when Tony appears from seemingly nowhere. He throws himself down into his own stall with a sigh.

Adam can’t help but smile at his learned human characteristic.

“What has you in such a mood that you’re going around acting all human-like?”

Tony frowns at him. “It is my mission to learn how to act like a human properly, and-”

“Okay, okay.” Adam waves a hand. “I’m sorry. You’re doing a good job.”

“Thank you,” Tony replies before sighing again, staring at Adam with this forlorn look in his eyes.

“I already asked you what’s bothering you, so now you’re supposed to reply, Tony.”

“I _know that_ , I’m just practicing my human facial expressions.”

“Is this not what you look like?” Adam blurts before he realizes that it might be sort of rude. Oh well, it’s too late now.

“What?” Tony perks up, looking very confused. At least that comes easily to him. “No, don’t be ridiculous. Of course this is what I look like. We just express things differently.”

“Oh.” Adam feels like an idiot. He can’t just go asking people what they really look like, and doing it after making fun of Tony for being awkward? Jesus.

“So, about my sighing?” Tony prompts. Adam waves a hand at him, and he continues, “I think that there’s something wrong with me?”

Adam sits up. “Are you sick? Can you get human colds, or-?”

“No! I’m not supposed to...I don’t know!” Tony shakes his head. “All of a sudden my hearts have started beating too quickly at random and the flat part of my hands, you call them palms, I think? Them, they’re secreting excess moisture, and they feel too cold, sort of tingly, too, and I...I.” Tony frowns. “There’s something wrong with my stomach? There’s this vibrating swoopy feeling and I don’t know what could be causing it.”

“That’s, um.” Adam knows what it sounds like to him, but he doesn’t know if--

“I’m ill! I knew it!” Tony is working himself up, almost wailing when he adds, “I don’t want to die from some stupid human ailment!”

“It isn’t a ‘human ailment’, Tony.” Adam grins while Tony blinks over at him with those weird eyes of his. “Well, maybe sorta. You have a crush on someone.”

“The probabilities of that are less than point-oh-one percent. My species almost never forms...crushes.” Tony’s face screws up as if he finds the word disgusting, and maybe he does, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t experiencing one.

“Tell me all the numbers you want, but it still totally sounds like a crush,” Adam shrugs in dismissal and turns back to his stick, like he isn’t totally curious about who it could be.

He _is_ , but he isn’t going to act like it. He has some boundaries, thank you.

So, they sit there in silence for almost five minutes while Adam pretends that he’s working extra hard at lining his tape up _just so_. As if he really cares about his stupid tape lines.      

“What makes you think that my symptoms mean that I have a crush on someone?” Tony finally asks. Adam sags in relief at the question before he perks back up.

“All of those things, the sweaty palms, the heartbeat, the butterflies in your stomach? Those are all classic crush symptoms, Tony.”

“They’re all...wait. Butterflies in my stomach?”

Adam laughs. “I know, buddy. It’s the worst. Don’t worry, though. We’ll figure out who it is and sooth those flutters.”

“But I haven’t eaten any butterflies!” Tony shouts.

Adam doesn’t even try to contain his laughter.

 

  1. Steven



 

“Okay, first things first,” Adam says, dropping in next to Tony.

“How did you just appear like that?” Tony asks, a hand placed between his hearts.

“I didn’t just appear. I walked in like any normal person would and then sat down next to you.” Adam shakes his head in confusion. “I thought your race is famous for noticing every little detail about everything?”

“Yes, well, notice that I play hockey.” Tony leans back, crosses his arms. “Maybe I’m a little behind the curve.”

Adam is surprised into laughter, which earns him a glare from Tony. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.” He waves a hand in dismissal. “Down to business, then. Here’s what we know: that your crush isn’t on me.”

“How do you know?” Tony blinks over at him. It’s so slow that Adam gets a look at Tony’s gross moisturizing membrane, which used to freak him out more than it does now.

But it’s still pretty disgusting.

“You feel normal right now, yeah?” Tony opens his mouth, and Adam hurries to add, “Normal for you, I mean.”

“Oh. Yeah.”   

“Then it isn’t me,” Adam grins.

“How will we find out who it is, though?” Tony’s bottom lip juts out in a pout. It’s actually almost cute.

“Easy, we’ll just try with each guy until we know.”

“That sounds less than efficient, Adam.”

Adam rubs his temples, exasperated. “Tony, how many times have I told you that you can call me--”

“I prefer to call you by your name, Adam. Just like I prefer you to call me mine.”

“Okay, fine I’m sorry.” Adam sighs. “Look, why don’t we just start easy, then? How do you feel about Stammer?”

Tony looks across the room at him. “I’m not sure? He’s our captain and I look up to him.”

“Is that all?” Adam prompts.

“Sometimes he turns his head a certain way and he’s what you call attractive, but other than that…” Tony shrugs. “And anyway, he has a thing for Victor.”

“He does?” Adam blinks, glances to the center of the room where Stammer and Heddy are talking, heads jammed close together.

“Yes, definitely.” Tony nods.

“Oh. Well, maybe this will be easier than we thought,” Adam says.

Tony smiles at him. He looks completely uncomfortable with the action.

“But first, I think that you need to work on smiling a bit more.”

“You are not helping, Adam,” Tony huffs before stomping out of the locker room.

At least he has dramatics down.

 

  1. Brayden



 

So, Adam can’t help but notice how Tony spends about half of warm-ups talking to Pointer every single game. They even laugh _together_. Tony just seems more relaxed in general around him.

Right now Adam is watching him circle around Pointer. They’re laughing together again and it’s weird to see Tony so at ease with someone. It’s gotta be Pointer that he has a thing for.

Tony takes his line rush and skates over to where Adam is standing around doing his rituals.

“Do you like Pointer?”

“Yes, I find him to be very pleasant,” Tony answers, watching Gourdo pass the puck around.

“That isn’t what I’m asking you.” Adam huffs a laugh. “I’m asking if he’s the one that you have a crush on.”

“Oh.” Tony bites at his upper lip. “Brayden likes Alex and doesn’t know how to tell him.”

“What?” Adam knows he must look stupid right now, because he can feel his mouth hanging open, but how is that something that is happening right under his nose and he didn’t even know?

“Yeah, because Andrej left and Alex is sort of bummed but Brayden is pretty sure he’s flirting back.” Tony scrunches his nose. “It is all very confusing.”

“Yeah, sounds like it.”

“But I am trying to help him,” Tony adds.

“That’s…” Adam trails off and sighs.

“What’s wrong?” Tony asks. He kicks his foot out. It almost looks sassy.

“I can’t believe that you’re trying to help Pointer get with his crush when you don’t even know who your own is, that’s all.”

“You still aren’t helping, Adam,” Tony replies. He’s smirking this time, so that’s a nice change.

 

  1. G



 

Adam is sitting on the bench waiting his turn at practice when Dan catches his attention. He’s doing something weird again and Cally’s jumping off the bench to talk to him, or something.

Oh! Dan is weird! He would be perfect for Tony.

Adam makes his way down the bench to where Tony is sitting, watching the scene unfold. He catches a couple of grumbles along the way, but everyone can really just get over it, because this is pretty freaking important.

“Okay, so,” Adam starts, sliding in next to Tony, “I think I finally might know who it could be.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.” He pauses for added drama. “G.”

Tony blinks slowly at him, scrunches his face. “G?”

“Yeah, you know Da--”

“I know who G is,” Tony interrupts. “I mean, why would you think it’s G?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re both sort of...weird?”

“Adam.” Tony is suppressing laughter. “G is an android.”

“Are you serious?”

“And what you just called weird,” Tony continues like Adam didn’t even speak, “is him malfunctioning.” He shakes his head. “And anyway, G belongs to Cally.”

Maybe Adam deserved no answer. Jesus. He’s an idiot.

“Wait. You mean he belongs with Cally, right?”

“No.” Tony purses his lips. “Well, yes. But he also belongs _to_ Cally.”

“Oh.”

“That’s why it was a big deal when Cally was traded here but G stayed behind in New York?”

“Um.” Adam knows he should be adding something more, but he doesn’t really recall the situation.

“Honestly, Adam. Don’t you pay attention to any of the league gossip?”

“I guess not well enough,” Adam says slowly.

“Oh, that’s me!” Tony jumps over the boards at Coop’s command, leaving Adam behind to ponder all the new information he just received.      

 

  1. Cory



 

It’s all fun and games until Tony suddenly starts spending all of his extra time with Cory. He keeps finding them in various corners with their heads pushed together, whispering and laughing and shit.

Wouldn’t it be a kick in the teeth if Adam offered to help Tony find his crush only for it to be Cory, the guy he’s been in love with since they played together in Syracuse.

Adam spends a day fighting the urge to beat Tony’s scrawny little alien ass, and then another trying to make himself accept that Cory might not want him. That maybe Tony is better for him anyway.

On day three he’s sitting on one of the couches in the rec room, staring blankly at the TV while trying to come up with a grand wooing plan that will win Cory over when the man in question plops down next to him.

“Hi,” he says brightly.

“Hi?” Adam echos in reply, stretching out the i. He sits there for a full minute before adding, “What’s up?”

“So, I was talking to a little birdie earlier…” Cory’s face blooms into his hundred-watt smile and it’s going to be the end of him having it pointed in his direction like this.

Adam swallows. “Oh, y-yeah?”

“Yeah, and the birdie told me that I wasn’t paying enough attention to something, that maybe…” He leans in and Adam tips back, unnerved.

“Maybe what?”

Cory chuckles, gathers a fistful of Adam’s shirt to tug him back gently. “C’mere.”

“Cory-”

“I’m sorry I was so oblivious.” He pauses. “Unless you don’t want this?”

“No, I do, I just didn’t thin--”

Cory pulls him into a kiss.

Adam is sending Tony a freaking fruit basket later.

 

  1. Danick



 

Adam approaches Tony when he’s riding a bike to cool down after practice. “Hey.”

“Hello, Adam,” Tony replies, hardly out of breath. It’s almost like he isn’t human.

Oh, right. Adam shakes his stupid thought away. “I have another suggestion for your crush.”

“Do you?” Tony stops pedaling. He sits up and uses the towel around his neck to dab at the sweat along his brow. It’s actually a pretty human action, and he’d probably be pleased to hear that.

But that isn’t what’s important right now.

“Yeah, what about Danick? He hasn’t been here that long, and he’s very beautiful, so maybe your crush is on him?”

“Danick is beautiful?” Tony cocks his head and stares across the room to where Danick is sitting watching TV with Louis.

“Don’t you think so?”

“Yes, I suppose he is,” Tony slumps back a bit, crosses his arms. “But Louis and Danick want to be together and I would never knowingly form an attachment to someone whose heart is taken.” Tony frowns.

“ _What_?”

“It is still weird to me that humans only have one heart.”

“Well, don’t worry, we think it’s weird that you have two.” Adam grins. “Maybe we can’t figure out who it is because your hearts are at war over two different guys.”

“Adam, you are being ridiculous.” Tony rolls his eyes and slides off the bike. “My hearts just pump my blood and serve no other purpose.”

“Tony, it’s a--”

He’s cut off when Tony laughs. “I got you! Ha! You thought I was serious!”

Tony is still laughing when he walks away. It’s the first time that Adam thinks he might actually be able to pass as a hundred percent human soon.      

 

+1 Misha

 

Tony knows that that Adam thinks he’s the most innocent thing that’s ever existed.

But Adam is wrong.

He isn’t innocent so much as he doesn’t know all the the human customs yet. Maybe that makes him appear awkward and innocent to the humans, but it hasn’t stopped him from setting everyone else up, from solving all of their problems and putting a stop to all the pining in the room.

The only person that he hasn’t been able to help is himself. He understands the butterflies thing now, and he’s gotten so used to them always being present when Misha is around, but he can’t read Misha.

Everyone else was simple. It was easy to see they wanted one another and then he just had to babble at them until they got it through their thick human skulls that they should be together.

Misha, though? He doesn’t seem to favor anyone (which is good), especially not Tony (decidedly less good).

Right now Misha is across the room, wrestling with Andrei. Andrei has him in a headlock and he’s struggling to get free. “God, let me go, you bitch ass.”

“Only if you do it.” Andrei replies. Tony wonders what ‘it’ is.

“Okay, okay,” he relents.

Tony watches Andrei let him go before he looks back down at his neglected ipad.

“Hi.” Tony looks up at Misha. “Can I sit?” He smiles and it’s the worst, because here come the stupid butterflies.

“Misha, hi. Yes, please.” Tony starts to offer him a smile before he remembers what Adam said about it. He settles his face into a tight-lipped thing that he knows looks more like a smirk than a smile.

Oh well, it is what it is.

“Hey,” Misha replies, settling down into the couch. He’s so effortless in his movements, it’s something that Tony watched a lot when he first arrived...maybe it’s how this all got started.

“What’s up?” Tony goes for...he doesn’t know, exactly. It’s just what everyone else seems to say.

“I heard that you’ve been setting everyone up. Is that true?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess that’s me,” Tony replies.

“Could you do it for me too?”

Tony’s butterflies, his constant companion, stutter to a halt. His hearts are aching and...well, it doesn’t matter. He read up enough on crushes after Adam told him about them to know that they aren’t always returned.

He can get through this and be happy for Misha. It’s just a little crush, he’s fine. Tony takes a deep breath, puts on a brave face when he asks, “Yeah, who would you like me work on for you?”

Misha stares at him for a good thirty seconds before shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous, Tony. Did anyone ever tell you that?” he asks with a little smile.

“Yes, I have heard that on numerous occasions,” Tony agrees with a nod.

Misha laughs. It’s this adorable huff-snort thing. Tony doesn’t think he’s ever heard anything better in his life. “Do you know what else you are?”

“What?”

“Amazing.” Misha leans towards him a bit.

“Um.” Tony blinks at him. “Did you use the wrong word?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my English, Tony.” He rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling.

“Oh.”

Misha reaches out and places a hand on one of Tony’s. “I was sort of hoping you could set me up with you.”

“With _me?_ ” Tony asks, staring at Misha’s hand on top of his.

“Yeah, unless you don’t want to.” He starts to pull away, but Tony flips his hand and threads their fingers.

“I do want to, I just thought…” Tony shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. You can have me.”

“So, this means I can kiss you now, right?” Misha asks, running his free hand into Tony’s hair.

Tony closes his eyes and leans into it, nodding.

Human kissing is a little weird, turns out, but Tony quickly gets the hang of it.  

**Author's Note:**

> Background pairs:
> 
> Steven Stamkos/Victor Hedman  
> Alex Killorn/Brayden Point  
> Ryan Callahan/Dan Girardi  
> Adam Erne/Cory Conacher  
> Danick Martel/Louis Domingue


End file.
